Speedbumps

Just when we thought we were trucking along with our plans, life decided to throw us a little bump in the road.

Nathan was born earlier than thought. But at least now we get to have him for Christmas.

With him being born on a Monday, there was good chance we would have been to court within a week.

But he decided to aspirate meconium and develop an infection.

Which required him to stay until the next Monday.

Which means that we wouldn't get to court for a while because of the holiday.

Then Nathan decided to come down with MRSA, the very serious form of a staph infection.

Which means he'll spend at least until Tuesday in the hospital.

Which means we'll be squeaking in a petition to the courts before the holiday.

Which means more time I have to worry about his birth parents changing their mind and reclaiming him.

He's on antibiotics for a week which are ototoxic.

Which makes this mama who minored in audiology just a little bit paranoid.

Since Nathan's birth I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions. Elation to sadness to fearful to joyful.

I wonder sometimes why these things are happening.

And sometimes, there's just no reason.

This isn't because God's punishing me. He's not in that sort of business. This is not a lesson in patience. This is not a sign that this adoption will fall through.

Sometimes, bad things just happen. Sometimes, we have to take the good with the bad.

I did get to hold Nathan. I got to feed him and rock him. I sang him show tunes and smelled his head. Even though I could not feel his soft little skin because I had to wear gloves, I stroked and rubbed it anyway.

When I picked him up and held him for the first time in days, I said "Hi,baby. Mama's finally here."

He opened his dark little eyes. Stared at me. Smiled and sighed. And went back to sleep.

And for a little while, all is right in the world.

Please pray tonight that the Lord heal his little body. Pray that no more infections and illnesses attack his little body. Pray that the legal process goes quickly and smoothly for us. Because this little boy deserves to be home with his family.

And his family desires nothing more than to have him home with them. Forever.

Get Your Spoons Ready

Because you're going to just want to eat him up!

May I introduce the cutest, sweetest, cuddliest baby on the planet?

Seriously, can't you just eat him up? He's too adorable.

He had a rough, fast, delivery face up, so his little face is bruised and swollen like he's gone a few rounds in a prize fight. And he just did not want to open his eyes. He would only peek one open, smile, and drift back to sleep with a little "squeak" and a smile.

"Hi, folks. My name is Nathan. You'll be seeing a lot of me. Just thought I'd introduce myself."

Just hanging out with mama and daddy.

Snuggling with mama. This boys LOVES to be snuggled and will squeak and cry if we dare put him down. I do love a snuggly baby.

Daddy/son bonding time. Aren't men holding the babies the cutest thing ever?

Getting a cuddle from our AMAZING case worker, Tiffany. She has been a God-send through this whole confusing and emotional time. Her prayers and love have really held us up during tough moments.

Holding hands with mama.

Holding hands with daddy. He just didn't want to let go of either of us. And the feeling is mutual.

"Good bye folks. Night-night. Gonna get some sleep now."

It was so hard leaving him. But knowing that he is not seriously ill and seeing how much love and care and attention the hospital staff give to him made it easier. It's like they dote on him more because his story is such a special one. And I'm going back this weekend to spend some good mama/son time together just holding him and rocking him and piling on the love and kisses.

Right now he has to stay in the hospital on IV antibiotics until at least next Monday. They don't know what is making him sick, but their best guess is some sort of infection. He's doing well and if he wasn't in that room with an IV you wouldn't even know he was sick.

Unfortunately, we can't get a court date until both biological parents sign consent (which will hopefully be in the next day or two) and until he is discharged from the hospital. After he is discharged he will go in to interim care with our adoption agency until we go to court. After the hearing he will officially and legally be ours forever! But sadly, we won't be able to get a date until at least the week after Thanksgiving.

In the mean time, we will wait and pray. We will be able to get his room ready for him and get the house ready for Christmas.

It's hard being away from him for the next few weeks. But we will have a whole life time to make it up to him. In the mean time, I just stare at that cute little face of his and wait for the moments when I can hold him again.

A Baby Story

So, we made it to Kansas City alive, despite driving through 6 hours of rain to get here.

We were able to spend good time with the baby and the birth mother, though not as much as we wanted today.

Sorry, no pictures allowed. Technically he is considered a foster child, and the hospital does not allow us to take any pictures of him. But we know how cute he is. And trust me, he is. He has strawberry blond hair and a cute little dimple in his chin. He has that sweet new baby smell and has the cutest little squeaky cry.

Poor baby is a little sick right and is in the NICU. At first they thought he aspirated meconium but they don't believe so now. It appears to be nothing serious, they think, but he has to stay there for about 72 hours while they complete tests to find out what is wrong with him. So, please pray for the baby and that his little body be healed soon. There were so many babies in that nursery tonight who were tinier and in much worse shape, so we are blessed.

Also, please pray that everything goes smoothly when it comes to paper work and legal proceedings. The birth father right now is being difficult and not wanting to sign without talking to the birth mom again, but he won't get in contact with her. It's all a big pain and the longer he draws it out the more this sweet boy has to stay away from us. So please pray for a change of heart for him.

Basically, right now we have no clue what is going on, when the baby will be released from the hospital, when we get to go to court, and when we get to bring him home. But we know that one look at him and we just knew that he was meant to be ours. And we pray for the day when we can bring him home forever. In the mean time, we covet your prayers.

Breaking News

THIS JUST IN:

Um, our birth mother has gone in to labor.

Yikes, just a few weeks a head of schedule, but those babies are unpredictable.

Now, I'm not going to fully panic until that baby's out, because you never know. But, they're pretty sure it's real labor and not false labor. After all, they don't just give an epidural for the heck of it, do they?

So, um, pray for us. Pray for Danielle. Pray for this whole situation to go as planned.

I'll keep you posted!

UPDATE:

He's here!!!!!!!!!

Nathan Daniel was born at 9 PM after very little labor. He weighed 8 pounds even, he has reddish blond hair, and is perfect! We are heading to Kansas City tomorrow to meet him and we can not wait! We have NOTHING ready AGAIN! What is it with our kids and surprising us with their arrivals? But, in a few short days, we will welcome this little boy home forever.

I'm going to try to get some sleep now, because I will not be getting much for who knows how long! Keep praying!

B is for Baby Boy

So, let me fill you in on the story of our impending arrival.

Last spring (2008) we decided that we really did want more children. So, since our insurance covered it, we decided to try in vitro ONE MORE TIME. After all, third time's the charm!

My doctor tried me out on newer, high dose, potent fertility drugs. Kinda like suddenly growing the reproductive system of Michelle Duggar.

Those potent drugs, hormones, steroids, and antibiotics cause you to gain 20 pounds in 1 month. 20 pounds that never go away. (Do the math: 3 IVF procedures X 20 pounds = 60 pounds gained since trying to become a mama. FUN!)

I am textbook perfect every time I undergo IVF. But, alas, they never work. Good uterus, bad DNA, I guess.

So, with strikeout #3, we decide that we are ready to adopt again. However, we then find out that we will be moving at the end of summer. So, we wait until we move and get settled to start the process again.

We contact our adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services, and apply to their domestic infant program in Missouri. We have our first meeting in October and begin the piles of paperwork, background checks, home studies, meetings, doctor visits, and financial history.

By March we are finished with the application process and we are approved for the domestic infant program. We are then put on the "waiting list" here.

We decide to start praying daily for this child. Because the first two years we were waiting for Sam we never really prayed for it. So we began to ask God for a baby by Christmas. Heck, God doesn't care if you get specific and give a deadline!

Now, some of you may not realize that most adoption agencies don't function like a deli. "Couple #24, your baby is ready."

Now days, it is the birth parent's choice in who will be the parents of their child. And we wouldn't have it any other way, because never to we want to worry that they regretted their decision. We want them to be at peace and know that they made the best choice for their child.

What typically happens is a birth mother and/or father comes to the agency expressing their desire for help in making a birth plan for their unborn child. Our agency does so much to help these birth mothers, both before and after the birth of their child. The council them, help them get medical and housing assistance, if needed. They want to minister to them as much as possible, because you can not imagine what a difficult situation they are in.

Many birth parents choose to parent their child. And our agency continues to help them as much as they need. They don't drop them just because they are not going through with an adoption plan.

However, when the birth parent has made the decision to create an adoption plan for their child, they then ask us, the dozen waiting families, if we are interested in having our profile shown to them. We are given the situation of the birth parent and the baby. We know race, gender, medical information. We then choose if we are willing to be considered as adoptive parents for this baby. Some, we have not, and many we have. It's all based on what we are comfortable with and what we desire.

Once the birth mother reviews the profiles and has found a family that she wants to parent her child, we are informed of their decision and we arrange to meet in person and make plans together.

That is not the case with us. Apparently, when it comes to adopting our children, we don't do things by the book.

We received a phone call from our adoption agency on the morning of October 28th. The adoption counselor told me that a birth mother has chosen us. Now, I was quite confused because we had not received an e-mail in a long time asking us if we wanted our profile shown.

It turns out that this birth mother is not one they have been counseling and working with. She decided, on her own, to find adoptive parents for her baby. She found our profile on their Internet site and was drawn to it. She just knew that she wanted us to be the parents for her baby.

The only thing is, she only recently got medical assistance so she has never had an ultrasound. So she had no idea what the gender of the baby is.

And, oh yeah, she's due November 7th. Sorry for the short notice.

I said "Ha! You think that's short notice!" With Sam, we had less than 24 hours. I call 10 days a lifetime to get ready in comparison!

So, we three met her in Kansas City the following week for our match meeting, and it could not have gone better! She is a beautiful woman who looks amazingly just like Sam's birth mother. She and I have so many similarities and things in common is uncanny. Even our wild, hyperactive, showing-out 4 year old did not scare her away from us.

We even got to meet her mother, who is very supportive of her and her decision. We feel blessed beyond blessed. And we knew that in less than a week we would be bringing home another baby!

Can you say freaked out, stressed out mama here!

A few days later, she was able to have an ultrasound where we found out good and bad news.

The good news: definitely a boy! No hiding it.

The bad news: just a little miscalculation on her due date. She's not due November 7th but DECEMBER 7th. Oopsie. Oh well, I understand. I never can remember when my last period was, either.

So, good news in that we no longer had to do a marathon baby shopping spree in anticipation. Having a few more weeks to get ready is just what we needed. We've got to prepare Sam for the harsh reality that he is no longer the center of the universe, you know.

And bad news, because that just gives her or the birth father more time to decide to change their minds. Not that we have ANY feeling that they will do so, mind you. But frankly, you cannot help but hold your breath until the judge signs the papers.

So now we get to wait and anticipate. We get to pick out nursery decorations and take our time perusing the baby aisles, instead of hastily making choices on the way to pick the baby up from the hospital. We get to sit and think up names instead of not deciding on one until our baby had been home for 24 hours. Seriously! For a day Sam was "baby boy".

And in three short weeks (or sooner!) Nathan Daniel Bowen will join our family.

And we will never be the same.

How cool is it, that just when we started praying for a baby, this baby was created. And that this baby will be born during the season in which we celebrate the miracle of the birth of another baby boy.

This, truly, is the season of miracles.

A is for Adoption

Did you know that November is National Adoption Month?

It's a month to bring awareness to adoption and the millions of children worldwide who are awaiting their "forever family". It's also a month to celebrate this unique and wonderful ways that families are formed.

The impending arrival of our son could not have come at a better time. Because, obviously, adoption is a subject very close to my heart.

There are a lot of myths and misinformation and differing opinions on the subject of adoption. But let me give you guys my story and my two cents on the matter.

When we first adopted Sam, a very uncaring person (not to name names, but if you are reading this then hopefully you know who you are and will no longer say such stupid things ever again) told me "Well, since you're a "PSEUDO" mom and not a "REAL" mom you'll have lots more energy to take care of that baby."

If I was talking to them in person and not on the phone when they said that, I probably would have punched them. Probably.

That was the stupidest, most insensitive thing anyone has ever said to me. We just had our son for 2 hours, and THAT was the kind of reaction we got? Talk about ruining a wonderful moment. Thank goodness I am smart enough to realize that person was just plain ignorant and didn't know any better. Though I am reluctant to inform them this time around when the baby arrives.

Let me let you in on a little secret: adoptive moms ARE real moms. Biology is just a subject in high school. It has nothing to do with being a parent. Because LOTS of people are able to give birth but are neglectful, undeserving parents.

Why some people can reproduce and I can't is a mystery I never will understand. And I don't care to. Because I would never replace Sam with a dozen biological children. And I will feel the same way about his brother.

When you get pregnant and give birth, you have 9 months to wait for the arrival of your child. Adoptive moms have YEARS. Because before we first become adoptive moms, we go through years and years of fertility test, treatments, painful procedures, and various other indignities that would make you blush. Ever had your eggs harvested without anesthesia? It's like getting a root canal cold turkey.

When we decide to choose adoption as a way to build our family, we have to go through months and months of paperwork, background checks, interviews, medical reports, home studies, and profiles in order to be approved to adopt.

And then, the waiting game begins. And you wait. And wait. And wait for that phone call that will change your life forever. Try having 3 years as your gestational period for your first child. Even elephants have their babies quicker.

Adoptive moms love their child like biological moms. But we can't help but wonder what it would have felt like to have this little child growing inside us, kicking, rolling, hiccuping, causing us to have heartburn and stretch marks. We get the pleasure of this child for the rest of their lives, but we will never know what those first 9 months feel like.

People still ask me "When are you going to tell Sam he's adopted?"

I answer "When would you tell your child they are a boy?" We treat adoption like it's a normal thing. Because it is.

It's a big deal, but it's not. He's not "special" because he's adopted. He's not "chosen". He's just adopted. Some kids grow in their mama's tummies and some do not. We don't read books on adoption and sing songs. We don't tell him every day he's adopted. Because would you do the same with the child you birthed? Would you remind them every day they grew in your uterus and you labored through 22 harrowing hours to birth them? Well, only if you are laying a guilt trip on them or something.

His birth mother didn't "give him up". She chose us to be his parents because she knew it was the best thing for him. That is the most selfless thing anyone could ever do. If she didn't care about that life inside of her she could have chosen abortion. Birth mothers LOVE their babies immensely.

After we adopted Sam, I made some new acquaintances. When they found out had we recently adopted a child, they asked "Where did you get them from?"

I replied "Searcy, Arkansas."

They were shocked. Because so many people think that the only adoptions happening today are from Russia, China, and Guatemala. You don't have to travel halfway around the world to become a parent. Some people choose to do that. Some choose to adopt through foster care. Some people choose to adopt children of another race. There are so many ways to build your family.

It took us years to decide to adopt again. Because sometimes you feel like you are greedy or selfish to want another one. But we just knew that even though we are happy beyond all measure with Sam and are so fortunate to have him in our lives, our family would not be complete without more children. I cannot explain my struggle to decide to adopt again and what it feels, as a woman, to be an adoptive mother. I stink at putting my feelings in to words, but it is not an easy thing.

We know that our next baby's adoption will be different from Sam's. We know that our relationship with his birth family will be different. But our emotions will be the same. We know that this baby will be a blessing more than we can imagine and more than we deserve.

I am not eloquent at all. I stink at explaining myself and telling how I truly feel, but bear with me. I've come to compare adoption to God. God gave his son to us so that we may be saved. So that we may receive blessings unimagined. Even though we sinful and imperfect people are undeserving of that blessing, God loved us enough to give us Jesus. And our sons' birth mothers have done quite the same thing. They have selflessly given us their sons and though I don't feel worthy of that blessing they have given us their sons anyway. You cannot imagine how that feels, and I just can't put it in to words. But, because of adoption, I have a better understanding and appreciation for life and what God has done for us.

It took a baby named Jesus to save the world. And it took a baby to help me truly understand what God has done for me.

10 on the 10th

Thank you Meredith for hosting my one great excuse to post something interesting each month. Because the rest of the time is pure drivel!

Here's my November issue of 10 on the 10th. And I did have one for last month. I just forgot about posting it until the 12th.

So, without further ado... My Top 10 Reasons Why November is My Least Favorite Month:

10. College Football Bowl Season Starts: Those 5 words say it all. Because why do they have to take over the time slots of my favorite shows on my favorite networks? Why not some lame network, like the Outdoor Sports Channel or MSNBC?

9. The End of the World Series: Those 6 words say it all. Because I have missed my favorite Fox shows for 2 weeks and I'm having major withdraws.

8. Indian Summer: It never fails. Just as you put up all of your short sleeved clothes and stop shaving your legs more than once a week, Indian summer arrives and you must either dig up some capris and tees in a hurry or get all hot and sweaty.

7. Election Day: Because with election day comes change. And as we have discovered, folks, sometimes that change ain't as good as it's promised to be.

6. Black Friday: Why is it the things I want the most are the least expensive only at 4 AM on this day? And why is it I inevitably run out of something essentially necessary this day, thus requiring a Wal-Mart or Target run on the most insane commercial shopping day EVER?

5. All Saint's Day: Why do I not like this day, November 1st? Because I have all those yummy little candy bars and sugary treats sitting around, just silently begging me to eat them and tempt my already hyperactive enough child to beg me to let him eat them.

4. Leaf Blowers: Now, I love fall. I love colorful leaves. What I don't love are those colorful leaves falling off the trees and landing in my yard. And I live in a neighborhood of 25 houses which each fall features a continuous symphony of leaf blowers ALL FREAKING DAY LONG. Are we seriously the only people out there who still use a rake? Come on, hasn't anyone around here ever heard of noise pollution?!?

3. Tight Pants: You know how it is. Unless you are on a feeding tube or have dieted in anticipation, with November comes the start of the annual holiday feeding frenzy and 5 extra pounds.

2. Thanksgiving: Call me a party pooper, but this is my least favorite holiday of the year. It's all about food or football. All you do is sit around all day and eat until you feel sick. Then you are at some relative's house where you cannot lay down and nap and all you want to do is nap off your over-stuffed belly. And then after you have digested for a few hours you start the feeding frenzy all over again. It's a viscous cycle.

And the #1 reason why November is my least favorite month:

1. The End of Daylight Saving Time: The end of sunlight. The end of evening walks. The end of sending the kids out to play while you cook supper. The end of commuting home without having to use your headlights. The end of sleeping in past 6 A.M., since my kid rises with the sun. The start of depressing darkness for 5 months. And thus the end of life. Until spring, that is.

So there you have it, folks. Another exciting 10 on the 10th post. Thank goodness NEXT month will be December. With Christmas AND a new baby, I am sure I will have PLENTY of good things to write about!!!